We Heart Nordstrom

My dear, sweet Isla Mae. This may be the hardest post (I hope) I'll ever have to write. I'm sharing because I want you to know everything we have done for you so far, and everything we will continue to do for you. To me, you are perfect. You will always be perfect <3

The day after you were born, I got a good look at you. Now, I know babies don't come out of mommy's looking like supermodels, but I also know when something is not quite right. I still need to share your birth story, and I will, but know that I suffered a spinal leak with my epidural so I wasn't all there for your first four days. Thank God, Daddy was!

The day after you were born, I put you in your hospital cradle to take a shower. I noticed that your right foot was shaped differently than your left. I immediately thought, babies lay all funky in the belly, so perhaps this is just one of those cone head type of things. Right? I mean, surely the doctor would have said something if it were more than that. Right? The nurse came to check your blood with a prick on the foot and she chose that foot. Wouldn't she have said something if she thought something was wrong? No one said anything. Your pediatrician came to see you twice while we were at the hospital and she didn't say anything either. Must be fine.

At your one week check-up I finally brought up the fact that your right foot didn't look like your left. And the doctor agreed. We took measurements, and your right foot, right calve, and right thigh measured bigger than your left. The doctor threw out lots of words...pediatric orthopedic surgeon, ultrasound, tumor, specialist, geneticist, hemihypertrophy...My head was spinning. You had grown hungry so I also had my boob out at this point to feed you and I just lost it. I'm crying, you're crying, my boob looks like a garden hose gone crazy! Total. shit. show!

We left that appointment with these facts:

1. Babies who present with one limb larger than the other may be diagnosed with a condition called hemihypertrophy; one side of the body is larger than the other.

2. Babies with hemihypertrophy are also at greater risk for cancerous stomach tumors and need belly ultrasounds every 6 months until 8 years old or a tumor is found.

3. We need to see a specialist.

Daddy and I were sick. We didn't and still don't (up until now) tell many people about your "Super Foot." Mostly because I start crying and partly because it just doesn't come up in regular conversation.

We have taken you to three specialists, one being a world renowned pediatric limb surgeon specializing in hemihypertrophy. After three months of waiting for an appointment, we sat in his waiting room and almost felt guilty that we were taking an hour of his time. The waiting room was full of babies from around the world with one leg a foot shorter than the other. It was heartbreaking. Upon seeing us, he told us to just be happy with what we have. That you were the mildest case he'd see all year. We found zero solace in that. To us, you are the most severe case we'll see all year. He gave us a preliminary diagnosis of isolated hemihypertrophy. Isolated, because your first ultrasound came back clear of tumors. (I already knew that, because I threw my crying self at the poor tech who ran your scan and demanded he tell me if there was a tumor, with the promise that I wouldn't sue if he were wrong)

We left there feeling like nothing had changed. No answers. No treatment. Nothing. He told us to come back in a year. We asked for another referral to the Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital. We met with an amazing doctor, who answered all of our questions, and gave us future treatment options.

Here's the deal:

1. You may or may not have hemihypertrophy. The doctor will not diagnose you without an MRI.

2. Your bones measure the same size and length. If this changes, and it is due to bone growth, we can put a stunt in your growth plate until the other foot catches up in size.

3. The extra size may be due to fatty tissue and liposuction will be the treatment.

4. The extra size may be vascular, meaning extra blood vessels, and there is no treatment.

5. The size will remain proportionate as you grow. Meaning, your right foot measures 1.5 shoe sizes bigger than your left and it will remain at that difference as you grow.

I'm scared. I'm scared that once you are old enough for the MRI (we won't do it right now as you will need to be sedated and you're too young for that) we will be told that the size is due to blood vessels and there is nothing we can do. I'm scared because kids are assholes. I don't care, I'll say it. They are. They're assholes! They're mean. How do I know this? I had a big nose, baby. I was teased SO much growing up that I hated myself. I let those asshole kids and their comments shape the opinion that I had of myself. I still remember the first time it happened. I was in the 6th grade and I was walking across the gym and some boy called me big nose. I was all, "WTF?" What is he talking about? I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and thought, yeah, I guess it is a little big. The teasing didn't stop until college. I also had plastic surgery my senior year of college. There were mean girls in high school who teased me relentlessly and never once apologized. Were they perfect? Um, no. For whatever reason, they felt it made them bigger to tease me. I'm afraid you're going to go to school with assholes like these. Here is what Daddy and I can promise you: You will be raised to be kind and accepting. You will be raised not to make fun of others. You will be raised to love yourself. You will be raised to ignore those comments and not let them shape the opinion you have of yourself. You will be raised to know that if someone in high school makes fun of you, I will personally throat punch both them and their parents. It's okay baby, we have a lot of lawyer friends, and they love you too <3 Uncle Greg will get mommy probation at worst. Promise.

So, why do we love Nordstrom? Nordstrom will sell us a pair of shoes with mismatching sizes. I know! Amazing! We just simply go in, pick out what we want, and they sell us a size 4 and a size 5.5. All of the employees know us by now and are very comforting when I end up crying in the middle of the floor. I love Nordstrom. We were already loyal customers, but now we're devout customers for life!

I promise to always take care of you. I promise to do anything and everything I can to ensure you have the absolute best medical treatment available. I will fight for you.

I love you, Isla Mae. To me, you are perfect. XOXO